Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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