Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
