I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just pee around me
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
