two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
