the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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