i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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