That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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