I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
