Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
