apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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