TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
