I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
