Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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