gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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