the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Someone came in the potted fern
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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