Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
