So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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