Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
