sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
