Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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