the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
