We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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