ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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