i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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