This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
