I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
