All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
