well you can't waste a boner
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
