Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
