I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
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