I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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