i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
