Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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