you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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