Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
