Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Four minutes until I can fart!
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize