my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
