Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
