They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
