I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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