His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
