Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I need moral support for this bender
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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