handjob tips. give me some.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
