so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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