I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
