Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
