Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
