It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
