you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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