I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
