You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
