these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
