News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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